Highlights of High School

This seems to be the last of all the posts. As this blog draws to an end so does high school. High school has been both a torturous hell and a blissful heaven. I think I can speak for everyone that no one likes doing tests, assignments, all of new difficulty. Oh, and the endless teenage drama that seems relatively significant, like the way someone who you do not enjoy anyways "gave you a funny luck" is the destruction of all your walls. High School is just a funny thing. The way we at the mere age of sixteen are seriously thinking of where to go in life and who we are going to be. I could never wrap my head around that. I felt too unprepared like I had listened all those years in school and absorbed nothing. I get that all the teachers reassure you that everything works out the way it is but even that is a false guarantee and idea to put into our minds. High School had freedom, but not enough. Like holding a bird on a leash, still bombarded and hovered but can get some airtime. I mean High School is great, the way it is filled with first heartaches, new people who either tear you down or push you forward in a horrible process of trial and error trying to discover which they are. Of course, how could I ever forget the lovely concept of peer pressure. The way your peers forcefully shame you or make you feel different if you do not do the same things or think the way they do. ( ie. drugs are good, drink alcohol every weekend at parties- hey even under a bridge!, you need to look this certain way, don't talk to them because they don't think the same way I do) I think the sadness that becomes of being shaken by not knowing your identity and who you are is on the top ten list of the most horrible feelings ever. We go to school forced to choose a "sensible" career and decide who we are when we have barely had a chance to realize it for ourselves.

Don't get me wrong though. I absolutely am in love with school. High School was THE opportunity to sort things out whether it be yourself, your friendships, ideals, or principles. You go in afraid to lose your friends but end up realizing that people inevitably change. High School is meant to change, so we can all try to discover who we truly are and sometimes our paths don't cross with our friends. So we keep our memories but we find ourselves walking away. High School also offers a lot of tests for morals. Do I do drugs? Do I drink underage? Do I make fun of this girl because all of my new friends are? By your actions, what you do and how you interact with other people is a mirror to yourself. You are what you do and say. You are everything you create in the world. This includes the words you bring to life, the horrors for some, and the actions you bless and reign on others. High School is lovely as well because you really do get to try all sorts of things. It's the time where you get to learn to drive, take classes you choose, do sports, and join clubs. High School is the best and worst days of your lives, but I think because of all the bad days you learn to appreciate the good ones more. High School does that to you. When you meet new people and experience more and just overall grow up- well you get a grander perspective. You can understand more.

Well since this is my last blog post I need to wrap it up. I guess my initial idea for having a blog that touched on both the good and evil on numerous topics was just to talk about how everything has its own sense of balance. You can not have something just be good and something all be bad. A murderer was once a little boy with big dreams and maybe had a bad background. An ice-cream cone can be a refreshing treat or a messy burden and disgusting to the lactose. Death is the deepest of lessons and the world's horrific cruelties. So we continue on in this cycle. We endure in order to be granted with the pleasures, the good moments, life's gifts. There is only good because there is something worse to compare to it. We need both sides of the scale or one would weigh in too deep. I think I want people to appreciate the darkness as much as the light. Hades always had the burden of taking on the image of the bad guy but someone had to take the dead and tortured to punish for you.

The stillness of the silent night is surreal, and unpleasing.
But you see it, you see the stars the way they pour out through the black back drop.
The white light twinkles far, unattainable, teasing.
The way the sun kisses the horizon good morning and good night never ceases to stop.

Take a lap around the circle and learn something new each time around,
This is the cycle that we endure and found. 

Han Van

Menacing Money

As graduation draws near what seems to be a common occurrence among the graduates is empty and sad wallets and bank accounts. Money is such a weird thing, idea, substance, and object. Physically it is a piece of paper plastered with important people with a value on it. Emotionally people die for it, surrender their lives, and desire more and more of it. The thing that is the most bothersome about money however is that it is not the same if I took a piece of paper and plastered an important person on it myself. Money is similar to modern art, or art in general- the value is in the appreciation and what the people make it to be. Money however cannot be considered in the same category as art. Money is a silent beast yet a savior. The con about money is it evidently causes greed. People want more because our whole society believes if you have more you are better, and you'll be happier- which is true in some ways. It is true in a sense that if you have money to buy food as oppose to starving then money does make you happier. However, because everyone is in this race against time to make money to be able to spend it to be happier by wasting their times with shady business or horrible jobs that they hate, they miss out on their life and are miserable anyways. Money also categorizes the people. The rich are more superior in an economic sense and the poor are the lowest of the low, literally sitting on the bottom of the streets. What I don't understand is how some people can automatically have more because of these paper bills while others have so little because of what they are born into or where they are from. I am almost tempted to say that the world should make it to be like some virtual game site like Neopets where you sign up and make a pet and get a bonus 10 000 neopoints just for making the darn thing. Oh, I suppose that would just lead to everyone wanting to have babies to get money and lead to overpopulation and lack of our limited resources even more- again, the greed.

But, don't get me wrong there is a bright side to money- there has to be because we still live and breathe under its command. As sick and chaotic as it is it also is a system that creates peace and adds fairness to exchange. Before the values were in livestock and items but now it has been replaced by small, accessible, and simple pieces of paper that allow for us to take and give. Having a standard money system allows for everyone to value everything the same, no one can say the 20 dollar bill is worth 20 dollars and another say it is worth 100, it doesn't work that way. It also is an organized system, I give you the money and you give me the item or service that I desire. I also feel as if these flimsy pieces of paper are much more, they have a sense of hope in them. I feel like if you try to imagine yourself 200 years before trying to exchange livestock only to have the cow you just got die within a week leaving you empty handed with nothing else to exchange but your life for death the piece of paper doesn't seem so bad. Money flies all around in our world. You can if you honestly look hard and long will be able to find a lot of money in the streets and on the ground. Money is like its own entity that feels immortal. Also money just works for us, and our society. It works with the way we learn math and count, it works in the way that we fairly exchange and it works in a way that us humans feel desires to have things and to hold them and be comforted by them.

All in all, money is quite horrible in the way it can be a deciding factor to your future and the way you progress through life but the reason why we hold it so dear is because it is so important. Money is something that has worked and has always worked and this is why we are so forever bounded to it because it feels like on of the constants in our worlds. It's something we can be sure of, or what we think we can be so we continue to stay bounded.


Han Van

The Good about Growing Up?

I thought today an appropriate topic would be the whole idea of growing up. The end of senior year seems to racing toward us, and after discussing in class the different types of boundaries and experiences people endure when they are a teenager it seemed like a good idea to weigh the pros and cons on both ends. To start off with the cons of growing up, the biggest one is always - more responsibility. Birthday after a birthday, suddenly our lives become more and more important and we as individuals must learn to achieve a balance. This balance includes us being responsible for making our own decisions, of who we want to be, and who we are (as if we can actually pinpoint what that actually means) and both our successes and our mistakes. We learn to do our own laundry, drive by ourselves, get our own jobs, be our own person, take responsibility for our own mistakes and not blame others and so on and so on. I suppose some people do like doing things for themselves but in reality it is a whole lot more easy when someone else takes care of you and does it all for you. In addition to the responsibilities I find when growing up in some respects, learning can be scary. Naturally as a human being we pick up on all sorts of new things and store and make sense of them in our brains but our whole outlook on life changes when we grow from an infant. Children still ignorant, still selfish, and to themselves also have the freedom of their innocence. I find one of the hardest things while growing up is realizing that this magical world we thought was this amazing place isn't as great as it was made up to be. We learn that there are all sorts of bad people, and bad things that they do, and that happen all the time, is one of the hard realities of life, and these people are as human as we are. So while balancing responsibility you also must endure the cruelties of your fellow mankind.

The contrast however is but one simple word and this pro is the sole reason why we endure which is - freedom. Freedom of the mind, to explore, to learn, to experience, and to do. If you are constantly being sheltered or taken care of and don't discover more of the world your mind is incarcerated. You are stuck. You are stuck in the fake magical world that you believe to be true and don't get to discover both the cruelties and wonderful aspects of reality. When one can be responsible for themselves they can evidently go wherever they desire (ignoring financial expenses) as they can take care of them self and evidently desire on their own. To be responsible for yourself is basically taking the reigns upon your own survival. Up until a certain point your parents protect you (and continually want to) but only to an extent until you must be able to do so yourself. With freedom you may stay up late, explore more places, meet new people, try new things etc. etc. I think freedom is a very important and large aspect about growing up as it is what we fight for, what we must be ensured, and what many are stripped of. Freedom is very valued.

All in all, growing up is hard. It's a real struggle to discover who you are, learn things, be things, discover things, and bear the burden of responsibility and endure mankind but we do it anyways. Why? Why do we do it? We do it because the freedom that growing up and continuing to live allows us to do is experience more,be more and ultimately live more moments, that we so desperately wish to do. So in exchange for the harsh realities of the world, we get to live more of it.

Han Van

The Good in Goodbyes

I think one of the hardest things we all must go through is saying goodbye. Whether it be saying goodbye to our favorite shirt that has taken its last cycle in the washing machine, an old pet, a friend, a teacher, or even to the past, it is hard to move forward. Most recently our Writer's Craft teacher left us to pursue her dream of teaching elsewhere and I couldn't be more happier for her, but the goodbye was bitter sweet. This made me think of how my best friend moved away at the end of first semester and just my attachment issues in general. I'm the type of person who absolutely hates being stuck in some sort of routinely way of living but at the same time hate not knowing, too spontaneous, and adjusting to large changes. We had just gotten acquainted and settled in with her teaching style, and she understood who we were and we did her. Then my best friend whom I have always been with for 12 years moves across the country was just so life-changing. I wouldn't be able to talk to her as often, or as easy. The time differences threw us off and the inevitable changes we go through and end up becoming two different people without one another was a scary thought. Goodbyes in general are very sad. I know everyone always tries to justify goodbyes that it isn't necessarily a goodbye, that it is just a break until we meet again but I don't believe in glistening it like that. I'd like to believe that we'd be the same friends as before and that friendship is this unbreakable force but at the same time I wouldn't want us to hold each other back by trying to stay the same and not growing either. Goodbyes are a beautiful kind of sadness. The kind of sadness that celebrates the fallen petals but does not try to grow them again. Even if you tried, you couldn't ever grow the same beauty.

So, like everything else on this blog there is a bright side to Goodbyes. Although parting with a teacher is always hard, especially in the middle of the semester it gives way to a brand new opportunity for everyone. She got to live out one of her dreams that she so well deserved and I couldn't be happier for her. In return we got the chance to be taught by her and meet such a presence and was left with a new gift. A new teacher filled with her own knowledge, dreams, aspirations, and fun stories to lighten our day with. My friend and I have undoubtedly already grown into two different individuals even within two months and have experienced so many things without one another already. We were blessed with an opportunity to not always rely on one another, become our own, and choose our own interesting paths without holding one another back which we can only be happy for. Her father deserved his raise, and they deserve that beautiful new large house by the mountains in Vancouver. So even though Goodbyes are painful, even just for a moment, or a lasting scar from the death of a loved one- there's something in it. I think the memories make it hard to say goodbye because they are a constant reminder, but they are a lasting souvenir of the heart. We don't want the memories to stop, but sometimes what makes it such a good memory is that you "miss" it. That it became worth something so important that it hurts so much to miss. I love it though, I love and appreciate all the good times I've had with all of the things and people I've missed and miss. I am grateful that I got to share that moment and that it allowed me to end up to the person I am.

The good side of Goodbyes doesn't make it any less sad. It just makes it a kind of sad where you have tears running down uncontrollably down your cheeks but you smile that kind of smile that is half quivering but happy at the same time because you know it's for the best. It's that kind of good sadness.

Han Van

Jokes on Judging

I think one of the biggest things in life that everyone must overcome is judgement. There is constant judgement everywhere, and it is what we use to differentiate from the bad, and the good. In terms of stereotypes it is dangerous, and it can lead to people believing someone to be something they are not. However, I feel as if certain commonalities like a shady figure in a hood in all black at night lurking still is an indication as someone dangerous even if they aren't. It's things like that, that we can't help but judge out of fear. In another way we are being judged is in our system itself. In academics, in job interviews, and in choosing a mate, we are all judged. In academics we are judged by our intelligence and our ability to learn, or retain knowledge. Job interviews we are judged on how we present ourselves, and our experience and credentials that will make us a valuable new asset. Then in choosing a mate, both by appearance and character are we broken down by another person, and determined whether or not our flaws can be outweighed by everything else we can offer.

So the thing that makes handing in assignments, especially Writer's Craft assignments or art projects so difficult is that you put your emotions and what you believe on a medium for people to judge. It's true that the  comments from the teachers and critics are helpful and may help you develop something better but it may also become discouraging.

I also think that the reason that some of our world seems so congruent, that everyone surrenders to fads and trends is because a lot of times people are just afraid to be different in fear of being judged. It's a lot easier to abide by what everyone else is doing, especially when you know that it is acceptable and the judgement isn't bad. Whereas dressing differently, believing in something someone else doesn't, writing about an unpopular topic with an unpopular opinion, or a piece of art that makes a statement has a risk in it, and most people are too afraid to take it. Us as humans seem to crave some sort of reassurance from the opinion of others. Sometimes it may be for the best, but sometimes it is just ducking down and getting lost in the crowd.

There's this video on youtube by the vlogbrothers that includes John Green, a best selling author. They basically have a channel of videos that touch upon a variety of different topics and sometimes they are so funny or silly that for a moment you forget he's a bestselling author and can write such beautiful things because of how ridiculous he acts. Anyways, the video basically was the inspiration of this post and is my absolute favorite. I feel as if it bluntly states what we all deep inside know.

Han Van

The Trip on Trips

Recently I went to China on the school trip with a group of other grade twelve students and Miss Cheung and Mr.Rama. In short, the trip was absolutely phenomenal, life changing, eye-opening, and very humbling. From touring around the vast and wondrous Beijing, China and its busy streets, signs, culture, traditions, and monuments to the little village outside the city we helped start to develop a water irrigation system for, all of it was amazing. On the positive side, by going on this trip I was able to experience a once in a lifetime opportunity and be able to help and teach people, which I passionately love doing. I made countless memories with new people, gained a new perspective on my own ideals, my habits, and where I wanted to make a change in the world and in myself. The children in the community were absolute sweethearts and their whole way of being happy despite their circumstances and what little they had was truly inspiring. The trip had far beyond exceeded my expectations and fantasies and I have never been so rattled at such a marvelous experience in my life. Even as I walk in the hallways, talking to both my family and friends I feel as if no combination of words could ever express the profoundness and extent of amazement this trip held.

To contrast, the thing about taking trips is the overwhelming feeling you get afterwards. A plane ride away from what seems like home and your warm bed turns out to be piles and piles of homework that you missed, assignments to catch up on, and tests to reschedule. In light of this trip, we were lucky to only have missed a week of school and the rest of the trip took place during the March Break but the workload still weighs heavy. I sit now here at the computer, trying to catch up on my blogs, since internet access did not make my packing list on the trip. Around me, there are all subjects scattered across my desktop table. From labs, worksheets, assignments, of all sorts for calculus and chemistry. One week of school during senior year is a hard gust of wind. All of the content everyone else learned before the break came at the regular pace but sitting here it feels like an overwhelming force having to learn it in one go, in addition to what we are learning now. So, like the hard gust of wind, the lessons and the work and senior year keeps on continuing to blow whether I choose to be carried by it or not. That's the downside to travelling, or being sick and away for too long. Also having had missed not only academics but what your friends are up to, and what occurred while you were gone. Nothing gives you quite the same awkward feeling when everyone around you is reminiscing about something that happened that you can in no way attempt to or pretend to relate to.

All in all, I suppose the best alternative would to be travel during holidays and breaks but sometimes it can become inevitable. Despite the contrast though, I would stay up countless nights stressing over missed assignments and trying to catch up just to see those children in the community again. They along with the rest of the parts of the  fantastic adventure that included our group, the teachers, the city, our tour, the laughs, the tears, the bonding, the love, the generosity, the gratitude, and the determination in that cornfield and beautiful smiles of the children would be worth all of the pain of the returning gust of wind.

-Han Van

Flow of Dignity

"Self respect is the root of discipline: The sense of dignity grows
with the ability to say no to oneself."
- Abraham Joshua Heschel

On a more objective topic today, I'd like to discuss something that most women, little girls, and even men eventually must blunder about once in their life. Dresses/Skirts. On one side they can be wonderful to wear for they provide enough leg freedom that allows for us to roam free without any of the sort of restraint of fabric. Dresses/Skirts give this sense of comfort, it just hangs over the shoulders of your body draping down without any effort. In addition, going to the bathroom suddenly becomes a ten times less tedious task. Bunching up the ends of your dress as oppose to zipping down your pants serves to be quick, easy, and efficient. Also dresses/skirts are so helpful for formal events, to look nice, or even to have a break from pants, they never fail to effortlessly make you look cute.

However, the joy and perks of dresses/skirts can only go so far. In certain respects, depending on what kind of dress/skirt you have it can be the complete opposite. Sometimes, the attribute of being flowy can cause the dress to be carried to the wind too easily and end up in you losing a bit of your dignity. Take for example a breezy summer dress, that would fit the perks that we discussed without a doubt, as they are made to be flowy and relatively loose, but a fancy well fitted business dress would not. Zipping up the business dress in the first place is already a struggle, having to undo and redo that while in a public washroom would be horrendous. Having to either choose between two options: 1) Somehow try to awkwardly bring the tight ends of the dress upward and possibly destroy the integrity of the dress. 2) Undo the entire dress and redress while in a public washroom. Another thing that can be quite unpleasant about a dress/skirt is the way your thighs seem to touch. On hot summer days when nylons and pantyhose are not even a conceivable option, the "freedom" of your legs learns to come to terms that the barrier that has kept them apart in the past has also been their saviour from sticking together. Nothing is more frustrating and irritating then the feeling of when your thighs seem to stick together or the red splotch you get because one leg had been touching the other.

All in all, dresses for the most part are really fun articles of clothing and are very versatile. They can be more formal, and can be casual all at once. They can leave you uncomfortable in more ways then one, whether it be sticky thighs or bulky tight fits but nevertheless it is always in your power to choose which one you purchase. The level of comfortable depends on the person, but these were just general and common aspects of wearing one. I for one feel more comfortable being more dressy as oppose to casual, but that is my personal take. So whether you are a man in a quilt, a woman in a business suit, or a little girl in a new summer dress, it is hard to hold down your dignity but wonderful to feel free.

Here's a tip though- wearing spandex shorts underneath is always a sure-fire way of making you feel more comfortable wearing a dress/skirt, and can save your dignity!

Han Van

Pain worth Suffering

"Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before,                                                                                                  how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way,"       --Isak Dinesen

I know that the title may seem a bit alarming. Who would want to go through pain and suffering? To answer that, we all do. There are certain kinds of pain that we would define as worthy of suffering for because in the end it is beneficial. One example that comes to mind is child birth. Last weekend when my aunt came to my house for the Lunar New Year she brought along her new 2 month old daughter Katy. I for one have never really been a fan of children or even babies for that matter but as I saw her glimpse upward in wonder of the new world I realised something. Sure, the process of creating a child isn't painful but what comes after being impregnated can be. Carrying the child for months and months, giving up your life to make sure the one growing in you is okay. As my aunt's roots grew out from her frequently coloured hair, the look of her throat as she took a dry swallow as she watched others drink alcohol while she couldn't and her 00 jeans rapidly reaching a 14, I began to feel a bit of sympathy toward her as a defeated look came over her face being unable to buy or live the same way she use to. Literally, everything changes. Money goes toward different things, day to day activities revolve around others. Having children is consuming, and causes you to consume way more then you usually do too.

However, with all of that being said, when the baby came out it was like none of that mattered. It was worth the excruciatingly painful contractions as Oxytocin was released more and more, doubling the pain each time until the baby was out. In the moment where the parent holds their child for the very first time will never cease to amaze me. I always personally thought the whole idea of life was weird. We almost create life out of a spec and it slowly just grows within you, extracting parts of you and eventually comes out and grows just as big. The thought of life growing within me always gave me chills but truly is a miracle and wonder of this world in my eyes. The baby really becomes apart of you, and I feel as if it reflects who you are as well as you as a parent put a lot into how they grow up to be. So despite the fact that it may seem like your surrender your whole self for your child, I think in reality the energy and sense of self is going toward it to help it flourish and grow. So the realisation becomes that their first words outweigh the pain of the months of wearing maternity clothes. Their first steps outweigh all the things you couldn't do while pregnant. Their eager face on the first day of school and the warm proud feeling you get outweighs the unbelievable pain you went through to push the baby out. Their love, the love that they return to you in their high pitched innocent voice becomes worth all of that ten times over.

This is just one example, of pain and suffering that turns to benefit and perhaps in another blog post I'll touch on others but let's just leave this with a beautiful miracle for now. To wrap this up, I believe there is pain worth suffering, I truly do. Like child birth, the most wonderful thing comes out of all those long nights and sacrifices- life itself. So what I leave you is with, what could ever be worth more than life?

My cousin Katy at around 1 month old.

Rafiki from the Lion King showing everyone the miracle of life. 

Han Van 

Just the Beginning

So I really enjoy how we made blogs today. It is really is an easy and accessible way to blog. It's really late right now but I was hoping to find a nice design for my blog but still must work through some coding so it looks awful right now. I think my "theme" for my blog will relate to my url name (sunshinesplash) in a way that I'll blog about good things. To add a splash of sunshine to some sad or bad events. I like to think of things like that, in a brighter way. It really is inevitable for bad things to happen but I think there is always something you can take away from it. Or you can always have a certain outlook or perspective on it that can allow you to grow from it, or be able to move on. I like to think of the way in our history class in Grade 10, the way we learned about World War II. We learnt about all the horrible and awful things humanity sunk down to but at the end of it all even though the tally for horrendous things was far too high, there was still things like health care and a shake of realization for all of the world that seemed to be the start of something better. That of course can not even come close to justifying the war, but it was a different perspective on it. So even though some people may find making these blogs tedious and stupid let's say - it really is an accessible, easy, and efficient way of expressing ourselves publicly in a way that sometimes other things cannot convey. Just a brighter side about this blog. So even though my blog looks awful right now, that'll just leave me a task to do later on so I won't have to waste my time on trivial things and I can put my effort into something of good use! So here is hoping I'll be able to find some light in the dark abyss of the situations and topics I choose to ponder about on this blog this semester.

Han Van