The Good in Goodbyes

I think one of the hardest things we all must go through is saying goodbye. Whether it be saying goodbye to our favorite shirt that has taken its last cycle in the washing machine, an old pet, a friend, a teacher, or even to the past, it is hard to move forward. Most recently our Writer's Craft teacher left us to pursue her dream of teaching elsewhere and I couldn't be more happier for her, but the goodbye was bitter sweet. This made me think of how my best friend moved away at the end of first semester and just my attachment issues in general. I'm the type of person who absolutely hates being stuck in some sort of routinely way of living but at the same time hate not knowing, too spontaneous, and adjusting to large changes. We had just gotten acquainted and settled in with her teaching style, and she understood who we were and we did her. Then my best friend whom I have always been with for 12 years moves across the country was just so life-changing. I wouldn't be able to talk to her as often, or as easy. The time differences threw us off and the inevitable changes we go through and end up becoming two different people without one another was a scary thought. Goodbyes in general are very sad. I know everyone always tries to justify goodbyes that it isn't necessarily a goodbye, that it is just a break until we meet again but I don't believe in glistening it like that. I'd like to believe that we'd be the same friends as before and that friendship is this unbreakable force but at the same time I wouldn't want us to hold each other back by trying to stay the same and not growing either. Goodbyes are a beautiful kind of sadness. The kind of sadness that celebrates the fallen petals but does not try to grow them again. Even if you tried, you couldn't ever grow the same beauty.

So, like everything else on this blog there is a bright side to Goodbyes. Although parting with a teacher is always hard, especially in the middle of the semester it gives way to a brand new opportunity for everyone. She got to live out one of her dreams that she so well deserved and I couldn't be happier for her. In return we got the chance to be taught by her and meet such a presence and was left with a new gift. A new teacher filled with her own knowledge, dreams, aspirations, and fun stories to lighten our day with. My friend and I have undoubtedly already grown into two different individuals even within two months and have experienced so many things without one another already. We were blessed with an opportunity to not always rely on one another, become our own, and choose our own interesting paths without holding one another back which we can only be happy for. Her father deserved his raise, and they deserve that beautiful new large house by the mountains in Vancouver. So even though Goodbyes are painful, even just for a moment, or a lasting scar from the death of a loved one- there's something in it. I think the memories make it hard to say goodbye because they are a constant reminder, but they are a lasting souvenir of the heart. We don't want the memories to stop, but sometimes what makes it such a good memory is that you "miss" it. That it became worth something so important that it hurts so much to miss. I love it though, I love and appreciate all the good times I've had with all of the things and people I've missed and miss. I am grateful that I got to share that moment and that it allowed me to end up to the person I am.

The good side of Goodbyes doesn't make it any less sad. It just makes it a kind of sad where you have tears running down uncontrollably down your cheeks but you smile that kind of smile that is half quivering but happy at the same time because you know it's for the best. It's that kind of good sadness.

Han Van